tired-

seriously very tired. headache like siaox.. -.- like i said. im both physically and mentally worn out.

think alot. walao. why must i think so much.. -.-
realised. many many things have changed. many many ppl have changed too.. i dunno if im the one who have changed. or both parties have changed.. i just dont like the ending now. haix.

well. mich sed distance is a factor.
i think.
time is another factor too..

time can pull us together. or drag us apart.. i guess ive grown more distance from alot of my friends.. be it ex classmates. or whoever. long time no chat. finally one day talk again. the feeling is such weird?

ppl zhang da le. nao gd. know more about this cruel world. menx. sometimes im really sick of the things that is happening arnd me. the more you know a person. the more you dislike. true? was wondering. at this age. could you really find a true best friend? someone who really knows u best. someone who will always stand by ur side. someone who click so well with you. hahax. i cant find.. -.-

this wk is ok bahx i guess. mr too might not be coming back anymore.. like what the guys sed. kwek still got 9 more toes to break yea? hehe. :P haix. really dun feel like seeing that kwek again. i dun wanna hate emaths lehx. -.-

senior came back on tues. lolx. alright. dunno why we keep laughing.. -.- he laugh at i dunno what. i see he laugh very funny i also laugh. stupid right. -.- anw. i guess hes the only senior who is willing to talk to me bahx.. :)

today godfrey brought a praying mantis he caught ytd. gosh. how disgusting can. today then i know my class is so saddistic. watch it ate the spiders. -.- i was totally disgusted by the scene laa.. lolx. tony keep find spiders for it. menx. i dunno shld i pity the spiders or shld gratx the praying mantis.. free food free lodge. wow. -.- btw. its name is xiao feng i think. :) like what jl sed. indeed we will feel sad for it when it dies.. :( btw. tony caught a spider in the morning. n it died within 5 min. -.- how fast laa. diaoded.

and i was laughing like mad. jl was acting cute today. -.- gosh. lolx. she n rl was playing stupid things. which kinda cheered me up though i duno why am i sad. :)

i finally bought zc's prezzie. but i dunno if i shld give him anot..

follow your heart.

<3

alone- 8:23 PM

haix-

in a really bad mood.. imagine. at hm get scolded. take bus get scolded. in class get scolded. i was like wtf laa.. i dont care if you are joking anot. if you stab a person. you have stabbed him. even if the wound has healed. the scar remains. understand anot? im not trying to be what. i just couldnt help but feel soo sucky..

i hate to go home now. its like im dragging my feet on e way home this few days. yet i couldnt dont go home. argh. ppl had great parents. me? why they just like to force me to do smth i dont like. its like they say they want freedom. why cant i have. why must they always make things so difficult for me. why cant they just learn to let go. wo zhang da le.. i know what im doing. why i cant even go anywhr i like. why must i be a criminal and stuck at home after school. why cant i even reach home late.. -.-

great. life sux. it just seems that everything is back to one yr ago. my life was a disastor just 1 yr ago. at this period. at this moment. so tired. so helpless. so lost..

tml is dad's bday. seriously. i really dont feel like making any cards for him. he just stuff it aside after looking lorx. why must i waste my time to make that card. why must i waste my effort at thinking what to write inside. why must i celebrate with him when no one does that to me. -.-

how i hope history dont repeat. yet. reality prove me impossible. N.A. i can only resign to fate. im always the lost party. its life.

cry cry all you like.

alone- 2:43 PM

if only parents can just stfu-

i couldnt stand my parents. just 2 assholes. my bro just accidentally bite on i dunno what then teeth so very pain. i could heard his moaning in the rm. dad n mum scold n shout n scold n shout. must they only know how to reprimand us?! bro came my rm. i could see the tears in his eyes. wtf. cant they see him in pain? NO. they cant. they are blind.

i scolded my mum. i was like walao. cant you see him in gr8 pain. why you only know how to scold. why must adults all lidat?! and yea. i got scolded. -.- i was like wtf. dad tell him go out die. right. so we ARE his burden. go ahead n tell us!

i still remember. afew yrs ago when i choked on fish bone. i was trying to call out my mum. she saw me coughing n struggling. and there she was. continue to watch the fcuking tv. -.- i was so young then. i dunno what to do. lucky i got general knowledge. stuff myself with rice. stuff myself with water. stuff myself with everything in front of me. finally i felt better but throat still hurts. she dont even bother to care about me laa.

if this is what they want me to treat them nxt time. FINE. im ok with it. just stuff money to them and tell them to call ambulance themselves. i DONT mind.

you sed. as long as you finish all ur stuffs. go ahead and play! play until morning also can! play all you like! i wont stop you.
wtf. who is the one who lock me outside my bedrm when i had only online for 1 pathetic hr. who is the one who spam vulgarities at me. who is the one who hurt me so deep w/o knowing anything.
its none other than YOU.

dont they know we got pride? dont they know we will get hurt? dont they know what are we feeling? if scolding helps. thats it. but hey. hell NO. it will only cause us to be hurt deeper. it will only let us to hate them more. it will only let us learn from them.

ruguozheshinimenbiaoxianaidefangshi.
duibuqi.
woganjuebudao.

i ve enough.

alone- 9:13 PM

wei lai de lu yao ze me zou.

wo bu zhi dao..

>.<

alone- 6:43 PM

11.11pm-

:) finally changed blogskin le. after.. 5mths? =X

i chose to change to a brighter color this time. i chose to change away the black bg. i chose to change and type more optimistic words..
i ve changed.

i hope to get on with life. i hope to throw every bad memories away. i hope to forget you.
if only i can..
well. life goes on. right? :)

i forgot when do i last slpt early. i forgot when do i last have a really nice chat with you. i forgot when do i last smiled and laughed whole heartedly at your stupid jokes. i forgot when is the last time i ate well.
i forgot lo..

went to that mrt today. walked that same stupid route again. how i hope all this did not ever happen b4..

i want to live happily. i want to smile without the need to act. i want to be brave and face life.
i can do it?

its too long ago..

alone- 11:11 PM

jialat-

life is getting more and more bz huh. pekchek. i must really work on my time managemtent le.. haix. and guess what.. i realised my english had deproved so tremendously that i think intensive blogging cant help. -.-

might be changing blogskin later on.. yawn* i practically nearly slpt for all amaths lesson this wk. can you imagine. im soo horribly tired. physically. n mentally.. -.-

im getting to get sicker and sicker of life. it sux when you suddenly realise how much you have seen through a person. a life.. its true that i cant stand ppl's attitude sometimes. why? i dunno. i wanna know why are ppl continuously throwing temper at me.. i mean. if your mood are not good. of cuz i ll be happy to stay nxt to you. comforting you. listening to you. giving you advice. but hey. im definitely not a boxing bag for you to box and soured. i ve got my limit.

you said. you dont like ppl to suan you. but why are you doing that on me.. you said you will get hurt. but what about me.. you said its not fun getting suan. but have you ever put urself in my shoes..
no. you did not.

see the selfishness of ppl? haix. yi han nehx.. lq is not feeling well ytd. s0 i went to school alone today. and back home alone. haix.. tml gg to tm. to buy zc's prezzie. (: when i need a friend to go with me. i couldnt find any. wte. go alone lorx.. ppl's bdays are coming up soon. well. time to be bz preparing prezzie le. lolx. :)

this few days were alright. gotta you out of my mind. :) its a blessing or what? i guess.. i have learnt to give up things too easily le.. resigned to fate huh? =X am i being too sensitive or what? no matter what happen. i really think that my instincts are right lorx.. i dont like you. -.-

this is life..

alone- 2:43 PM

:)

well. start of term 2 le. fast yea?

the first day of school is always the best. had a great laugh today. im glad to be with my friends. :) n oya. today is soo fun. lolx.

well. some of the interesting stuffs is that we got a cute relieve cher? :P how i wish kwek ll nv come bac.. -.- and eh. we learn that dreams will become reality from the motivation workshop. this is crap. lolx. i still dont believe this theory though.. :) but some of his words are meaningful. i like his humour too. :D hmm. today is funny. we have to run 2.4. then i was not feeling well half way. then i hug the pillar or dunno what and die die also dun wanna move. rofl. then hying die die also drag me run. lolx. but in d end we still overshot 18min.. -.- got back the paper weight. its not nice one! :(

nowadays got alot of mosquitoes sia.. wonder what is the government doing. when the hell will they come n do e fogging. -.- isit because theres lesser cases on dengue so they dun care liao? -.- my dad and i killed 13 mosquitoes within 4hrs! can you imagine this?! its so irritating lorx. =X anw. dad killed 12. i killed 1 only. LOL. :D

heard coach david read out my barriers just nw. saw him tore away the paper.. :) it may seems to be gd. but i dont think it wil do anything gd.. i used to tear up papers which brought about my memories. so.. obviously this will make me more sad laa.. -.- lolx. im happy right? dont cry. :) we can nv go back to the past..

could you plx help me make the impossible possible?
no. you cant.. :)

if you fail to plan.

you plan to fail.

:)

alone- 6:51 PM

:)

yay! i so love today plx. :) lolx. but it just seems to end abit too fast huh. =X hahax. i went to sg poly today lehx! wheE~ i just so love to be with my friends. mayb cause im stuck alone at hm for so long that i realise friends are so great. finally got someone to crap with me. hahax. if only things could stay this way forever..

early in the morning. met wit lq jl charr tony erich sk sean and there we go to poly! :) menx. im so enthu. lolx. well. the mrt is just too chio. rofl. :) the poly is abit out of my expectation though.. but overall is fine. i love the mac! :D hmm.. then we made perfume first. eh. i dont like all smells provided. they are just abit too.. thick? lolx. e smells smell kinda weird. =X in d end i bo bian only put jasmine smell which i dont intend to put at first.. -.- it smells ok nw though. strange.. -.- then we got teabreak. nice nice. :) and ahhax. hplc. the guys so funny can. but i din participate much. prob cuz im abit too tired.. then lunch. and paper weight thing.. -.- menx. this one i dunno is disaster or what. lolx. i just hope it turns out ok though.. i wasted 2 straw stars.. :( went home together again. joke arnd again. :P lalala-

140306. 1yr ago. it change my life..
did nth much. only finish 3seq.. -.- lolx. returned jl her ss bk. chat abit laa. lolx. :) got a blue xiaoxiao. at least.. its better than a pink. right..?

wed. i did even lesser stuffs.. -.- stuck at a qn in amaths tys. then dun feel like doing le.. lolx. got another 2pink. -.- nw i have 5pink. sux. well. i give up. im just too stubborn to get the white one. yet. i got no money to do so.. you know.. i nearly got the urge to throw all pink xiaoxiao into the dustbin. but mum was nxt to me persuading me.. -.- you dont know how despair am i. the white n the glow in dark one was just right in front of me in the machine. i just couldnt get the things i want.. so close yet so far..

lolx. if i tell you. its over. you believe? i know you dont believe.. :) it just needs some time for me too i guess.. but i just want to conclude here. its really over. :) i xianmu mich sia. she can xiaoxiaosasa. but i just cant..? lolx. at least she once more xingfu than me laa. :)

lolx. nearly cry over the phone that night.. -.- talk about the past again.. =X lolx. like what i said. you cant heal a broken heart? i guess only time can heal me bahx.. :) anw. hahax. ty to.. you wont be reading my blog right? :P i feel alot better now. ty. hahax. ^^

hopeless-

alone- 6:48 PM

sianded-

not a very nice day today. im so damn tired..

mum keep nagged at me whole day. all thx to my dear bro. -.- i really cannot stand guys. what so fun about computer games. wtf isit. why cant they live w/o playing for just ONE pathetic day. ogoddamnit. it seems like w/o playing can KILL them. o freak. i hate guys who are so bloody hell irresponsible. they just dont know wth is more impt laa. is their future more impt or this damn fcuking game. its like everyday play till late midnight. then the next morning slp while tieing shoelace. what a whole lot of craps. -.- assholes menx. make me suffer with him. oops. i suffer more than him by suffering when im not suppose to.. -.-

mum went and turn for me again. freak. pink again. walao. i really gna hate this color more n more. why must god everytime make things so hard on me. try? continue to try? how long must i try?! why must all suay things happen to me. i have enough menx. why cant i get the things i want. prove to me that i will get my xingfu if i try to zheng qu laa. argh..

tuition was ok today. last day of lq's amaths tuition. haix. im gna miss her alot.. and im gna be all alone again.. this feeling is not nice ok..

i think that one of the entry in mich's blog is meaningful..

i think that the distance had gotten us..

space

yinweiliaojie.

erfenkai..

wozhishixiangyaoni

zaiwoshengbian.

alone- 9:33 PM

:)

my mum is nice. i just told her i want a white color de xiaoxiao. then she go and try to turn for me. though both turns out to be pink.. =X menx. i really hope for a white one.. hahax. actually any color also can laa.. but khang got a pink. lq got a yellow. so.. i wana a white one. but.. heard from qy n denise that its very rare? :( aww. told ya. dreams wont come true..

today is a nice day. i napped for 2hours! heard that?! 2hours!! :D menx. so cool right. LOL. today my mum so unexpected good. she let me slp for 2hours! lolx. guess my energy is regaining. :) but. lolx. think i ate too much heaty stuffs last wk.. french fries. keropoke. chicken curry. tibits. etc. :P now hao xiang gna sore throat liao.. sianx laa. lolx. =X

staring at my hwk. -.- so many laa. so many that i dunno where to start from.. =X menx. i wanna go out! i needa buy prezzies! gosh. why is my time so packed.. -.-

did anyone watch e show on chnl 8 every sat n sun 7pm de? damn. its so nice can. lolx. so sad.. yaoaiquebunengai. :(
its like that qinzi so bad lorx. threaten to be with a guy who dont like her. even if u can get his body. you cant get his heart laa. whats the point.. -.- then tiying sacrificing for the guy. :( walao. wth is love.. -_-

go and do what you have to do. lets not meet again..

alone- 7:08 PM

uhoh-

sianx. this exam was terrible. alrdy got stuck at the first qn for bout 45 min laa.. -.- damn laa.. lolx. the first time i used up the whole 3hrs of the exam.. dotx..
sianx. did not tell many ppl about this exam. i mean. if you care. you will bother to ask. my dead line? is this.
only 2 ppl wish me luck. lolx. my cher n mum. pathetic. went into the room feeling so bloody hopeless. alrdy so demoralize. how to score well.. -.-

hmm. this holiday is not gna be a nice one. so many hwk laa. i look at it i sianx 3/4 liao lorx.. chers thought we got 1mth holiday mehx.. -.- mrloh say what. 'those who got C6 for emaths can NEVER get A1.' -.- wth is this menx. who he think he is. why cant ppl get A1. why cant miracle happen? is he trying to tell us that hard work dont pay off? -.- 'dream big!' u said this. dare to dream? dream big? teach me laa. prove to me that dreams do come true. prove to me that dreams are not fake. prove to me that dreams will become reality. dont come dash my dreams laa!

got back progress report. expected results. numbed?
staring at my physics paper when mrgan gave out. tears just welled up. sniff sniff- i failed again.. you dont know how sad laa. if i tell you fail then fail lorx. if i tell you heck laa. xi guan jiu hao. if i tell you fail dao no feeling le. thats just all crapx. crap that im trying to decieve myself. crap that im trying to act tough. crap that i dont know what to do next.. you dont know how much i hope to curl up at one corner and cry at myself..

to khang: lolx. sry bout ytd? i not pms. not like what she say. -.- i just simply dont like her attitude ytd. =X

gosh. just let me forget everything laa.. argh.

:)

alone- 7:43 PM

:(

so many things happen all of a sudden..
too sudden.
too sadd.

haix. i totally flunked my ct laa.. :(:(:( sux plx. failed 3 subj.. out of 8. -.- wth menx.. im soo depress laa. argh. when can i stop dreaming. when can i be hardworking. when e hell can i ever score well.. and this sat is my dead line. freak.
im so deadd.

someone commit suicide in my neighbourhood. at first i dont really feel anything. just feel sad. but just when i knew who he is. im so shock. so sad. so speechless.. i knew him? not really.. but i know his mum. hes those guai kias laa. n guess what. i just saw him bout 3 weeks ago when i return from piano.. -.- its like. poof- hes gone almost immediately. though we nv said hello b4. its how sad when you can nv see a person anymore. how scary.. theres no motive for him to commit suicide. so its a police case now? =X put urself in his mum's shoes. imagine ur children leave you. omg. you can nv imagine how despair a person can get.. :(

well. its so cool when you can finally put down smth which made you so sad for such a long time. :) it may be a right choice to let go. im much happier now. though its not e happiiendo i want. its enough i guess.. just stop giving me hopes. i think i can forget temporary? lolx.. happyfool? someone said fool is stupid. well. it doesnt make any difference now..

oya. talenttime is this wk! i hope khang n zj can get in for e duet. they sang so nice can! :) well all e best! hahax. :D n hahax. kwu got in. lolx. abit unexpected? but happy for him laa. lolx. best wishes too. :)

just let me go. maybe. i really need some time alone..
you know what.
sometimes. the thing which made you sad is not because of the unhappiness in the past.
its e happiness n xing fu de gan jue you once had..
i feel like im flunking my own life now. at this period. at this moment..

smile. :)

alone- 3:09 PM

060306.

a really nice number yea? :)
i wanna live better w/o you. :D
i dont need you. :]

i remembered that theres no forever.
the past taught me. yet i stubbornly refuse to learn..
i wanna be strong. stop crying asshole.

yes. the past hurts.
and the present is too painful..

koushixinfei.

alone- 8:47 PM

-

i dont know whats up. just feel that stress hasnt gone away from me.. but hey. at least theres smth i glad about. NO test next week. wheE~ its gna be a nice week.. right?

qy is also stressed up with life. menx. dont tell me im e one who influenced her.. -.- im gna be soo guilty.. well.. i think sec 1 arent that stress bahx? actually.. i quite like my sec 1 life. its nicer than p6? yea. its makes no much diff just that i got more friends in sec school. lolx. :P just tell yourself. i go to school not because to study. but. for friends. this make it more worth it right? :)

today is sat. the day i hate the most. my greatest nightmare is coming in 7 more days.. im scared? yes. i am..

im so glad that our seat is back. :) i can be wit jl khang n rl again. hahax. khang asked us a qn. what you want a person to do e most when you wanna cry? or smth lidat laa. it depends bahx.. just be next to me can liao bahx at least? =X jl sed i very guo fen.. or tan xin? forgot liao.. -.- walao. lidat jiu too much mehx.. =X mayb really lehx.. i got no right to ask ppl to pei wo mahx.. -.-

i thought of a qn on my way hm today.. we walk arnd together. is it because we are really good friends. or just because of a responsibilty..? i dont wanna know the truth. but yet. deep inside me. i alrdy knew the ans..

in fairy tales..
baixuegongzhuhuoguolai. shuimeirenxingle. qingwabianchengwangzi.
but. sadly..
in the reality..
baixuegongzhusile. shuimeirenyongyuanyebuhuishuxing. qingwayongyuandoubuhuibianchengwangzi..

what am i trying to say? dreams. dont come true..
stories. are just stories. they are fake..
tonghuali. doushipianrende..

http://www.oicqie.com/sqgs/lssj/
what if.. im gone tml? you wont know.. :)

idontwannawaitle..

ivegotnowheretorun.

alone- 5:37 PM

:')

watched inotstupidtoo wit d other 20 classmates and the school together. its my third time watching a movie. lolx. :)

inotstupidtoo is indeed touching.. lolx. i cried so many times that jl sed she was bout to slap me.. -.- shes crazy laa. watch e second time then cry. dotx.. how sad can. lolx. i feel like watching the second time lehx.. :P

really learnt alot from this movie actually.. :) dont ask me why i cry.. just sad bahx.. or zhendexiangfaxie? lolx. me n khang funny sia. we cry together then laugh at each other. rofl. hey. even the guys cried. hahax. sean funny sia. say what he cannot cry. must lend other ppl his shoulder. LOL. hahax.

saw alot of ppl at suntec sia. wondering why are there so many students when today is thursday lorx. lolx. its not friday. =X see so many ppl also headache plx. :P actually plan to shop for prezzies and earrings? lolx. but once again. we went home empty handed.. -.-

saw carol.. lolx.. shock when its like she still remembers me.. =X i was tieing half. and i cut my fringe le lorx.. big change? lolx..
i thought i was forgotten by ppl.. -.- you know its kinda strange when its like ppl ask if you have forgotten them when the fact is that they are the ones who have really forgotten us.. i wont forget you. but i know. you will.. sadded harx..

we need to look at ppl's good points instead of their bad points.. so hey. learn to like me lehx.. :P
i think jm's blog is nice. so many nice nice words. alright. im not reproducing them here. but just saying that this verse is meaningful? :)

never say ily if you dont really care.
never talk about feelings if they arent really there.
never make promises if you really mean to break it.
never say hello if you really mean goodbye..

its scary to be lost..

alone- 10:28 PM

alone- 7:06 PM

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